Week in Review.....Triumphs and Challenges

Well I have spent the past 24 hours reflecting on my first week on this journey.  When I sat down to write my thoughts and feelings I pondered over the title.  My initial thoughts were "1 week - Good, Bad & the Ugly".   However, in my current mindset of trying to be more positive I decided that there was move negative in that title so...."Triumphs and Challenges" it is.  So here goes....

Triumphs/Successes

To be perfectly honest I am actually a little chuffed with the number of triumphs I can think of, this is new for me, some are small and some are monumental; some are physical but many are psychological!!

My biggest triumph is actually getting started and taking the biggest risk I have in a long time and that is being vulnerable and documenting what I want to do publicly.  At times my head tells me I am crazy but I know that this is a major breakthrough and victory for me.  Writing down is helping me in several ways:-

• I feel accountable;
• Once I write down how I have been feeling (particularly the negative stuff), I feel like I have dealt with it to some extent, and remove it from my mind;
• By taking the risk and publishing these blogs, the encouragement I have received has been amazing;
• My faith in being able to achieve my goals has become stronger;
• Helped me acknowledge consciously how LARGE a part of my life is reliant on GOD.

Other triumphs/successes have been:-

• Only 1 chocolate bar in 7 days!
• Drinking water - only small amount of coke zero;
• Reduced sugar intake significantly;
• Exercised 6/7 days;
• More organised;
• My neighbour offering to take me to Crossfit - harder to put off now;
• A more Postive attitude towards the goasl and journey;
• The amazing encouragement I have received.

Challenges I still need to conquer..
One of my greatest challenges is being patient for physical results.  I feel I am doing all this great work and can't really see any changes! 

Another ongoing challenge is my mind.  Whislt I have had some real positive moments it doesn't take much for the doubts and fears to set in - for example, today  a work colleague mentioned he had seen me running along Hume Street - my immediate reaction was "How embarrassing I am never doing that again", and then I kept thinking - I bet he laughed at me, oh he would have seem my fat wobbling as I ran etc. etc. to the point that I felt completely mortified at the thought and I was thinking of alternate routes where I might see no-one.  In reality what he said to me was "I was inspired when I saw you running along Hume Street I went and bought a bike, I thought Suzanne is getting into it so should I - Good on you and thank you", so I should have been thinking, how awesome it is that I have encouraged someone else to excercise.

Other challenges:-

• Continuing to excercise even when I feel a little sore;
• Ensuring I stay authentic in my blogging and not trying to write for an audience;
• Planning weekly meals;
• Ensuring I eat clean;
• Managing work/life balance;
• Reducing sugar and increasing water intake;
• Breakfast everyday;

How do I feel?  I can honestly say for the first time in a long time, I think I can make this journey work. I feel on track for my goal to run the Peak to Park 4km.  I feel motivated to continue.  More energetic than I have in a long time.  Most of all I feel better already spiritually, emotionally and physcially.  I have felt and feel God's ever loving presence in a very real and practical way every day.  I have realised that God is not just my Saviour he is my All in All in every aspect of my life.

I feel so good and energised I feel an INCH TALLER

Grateful...Optimistic.....

I am overwhelmed by the love and encouragement I have received in embarking on this journey.  I know I have said it before but I have to say it again, it is overwhelming and I cannot express how grateful I feel. 

I honestly believe blogging will be a key contributing factor to my success in this journey as opposed to past efforts. 

I did not set out to blog in order to receive encouragement - rather I am doing the blog in order to download/dump my thoughts and feelings in order to free my mind and hopefull have less negative thoughts.  I also undertook the blog to hold myself accountable.!  The encouragement is an almighty BONUS.

Yesterday I was back at work and a little unsure how I would go as far as eating etc.  I came home having not eaten any chocolate or coke zero.  That is a major milestone.  I had a lovely salad for lunch and ate breakfast before heading off to work.  I think this helped, I also did not wait for lunch until 2:00-3:00 p.m. which is a bad habit I had formed.  So I feel like another little WIN for me - I know I celebrate the smallest things but I am trying real hard to put positive thoughts into my mind!!

I also had a real motivating and encouraging moment last night when our lovely neighbour contacted me and advised "I have read your blog and happy to be your conscience, would you like me to drive you to Crossfit tomorrow morning, I leave at 4:35 a.m."!!!  (thanks Matt) Wow that was just so great and the push I needed to get back to CrossFit and I am proud to say - I was up and did my CrossFit this morning.  I feel really excited.  I am starting to believe I can actually do this - high fives all round!!!

I have to write down how I am feeling today -

• positive,
• encouraged,
• starting to believe in myself,
• proud of what I have done so far,
• scared (things will go pearshaped quickly),
• energised,
• impatient (I got on the scales this morning!!),
• optimistic, and
• hugely motivated!!!.

Mixed bag I know but that is complex me! 

I know I write a lot about God and my faith and upon reflectiing on this (I have been doing a lot of reflecting), I realise that it's true God is the most important part of my life, it is through Him that I find my purpose, he provides me with everything I need, Family, finances, friends, encouragement etc; so I know that in writing this blog there will be a lot of my conversations with him and some may think I am a religious freak - I don't really mind, but I must say I am not, I have a personal relationship with God (he sent Jesus to die for me) and he is My Rock and Foundation and with every year older I get I realise more and more how important he is to me. 

As I continue on my day, feeling a little weary from my early morning start, I can't help but have a heart full of joy at the love and support I have received and know that God has placed some very special people in my life, some I know well and others I haven't even met.  I have been reflecting in my happiness a very big favourite Worship Song of mine that a new friend (amazingly) send me a link to yesterday (Thanks Ally).  If you read this and have time click on the link and enjoy - 10,000 Reasons

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

This is the day The Lord has made....I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Today has been mixed, good, bad, ugly but I come to writing this blog feeling I overcome a mental hurdle!  Let me explain my day...

I was feeling a little lethargic first up so stayed in bed as long as possible, a bad habit I have because then panic was on to get to church on time (well I was a little late).  Getting ready to go to Church (well most places if I am honest) is always stressful, I stick to the same things and feel fat, frumpy and more like a granny than a mum of four young kids.  It's the comparison thing, I am surrounded by many beautiful ladies and I feel blah!  Now I am being honest, no-one has ever said anything in a long long time to make me feel like that, the problem is my head!  This is why I am always late - I then feel I can sneak while everyone is singing!!

Anyway once I got amongst God's people and we were praising him through song, how I look/feel quite honestly disappeared.  I just LOVE singing in Church worshipping my Lord and Saviour.  In that moment I feel worthy because He died for me!  When I was meditating on these thoughts and feelings this afternoon I had a light bulb moment....wait for it....'God loved me enough to die for me the least I can do is glorify him by being thankful for the body he has given me so look after it! '...and when I think on that what other motivation should I need to get fit and healthy!!  Easy to say and reflect on - now I need to action it!

Food is still a battle, running late I skipped breakfast and feeling tired and lethargic I got MacDonalds, although a small victory I ordered a wrap!  I was feeling frustrated about it though and behaved a bit irrationally and got annoyed with my teenager and ended up not eating at all.  This meant by 2:30 I was famished so I ate a banana and some Chico baby lollies!!  As soon as I do something like that I start the whole bashing myself up mentality - I am not going to do this etcetera, then proceeded to sit on the couch and feel sorry for myself!

Well thankfully tennis was on and just watching it and reflecting on some lovely encouragement I have received I decided I would do 1 hours exercise in the pool early evening!  That is a victory for me over the negative thoughts - I am just a bit pleased about that.  

Gave the kids their tea and off I went - good thing the sun was down and no one else around!  A hilarious sight it would have been to see me do ab crunches in the pool balancing on a noodle - it worked I know I have stomach muscles!  Exercised non-stop for an hour - running, jumping, swimming,etc. I feel so athletic and light in the pool lol !  Jess was warned to notify me if teenagers were going to come around because I was not prepared for that humiliation!!  Must admit doing exercise under the stars and moon was spectacular!  :)

Having completed the pool regime, the elation I feel is great - why I ask myself?  Well normally when I feel like I have had a bad day I continue that path and wouldn't bother to do anything!  A small breakthrough.

Back to work tomorrow so I am a bit nervous how I manage the exercise but I will fit it in!  

Today I have realised this journey is cleaning up my mind as much as my body - in sorting this I am showing The Lord I appreciate what he did for me!

"Thank you for the cross Lord, thank you for the price you paid..."

Blisters....no excuse!

So today I was advised not to walk/run.  This frustrated me at first and then I looked out the window...there awaited a sparkling blue pool!  I can't walk but I can swim and tread water in the pool!

This is exactly what I did twice!  Now it is a major event in our household when mum gets in the pool - so when I appeared on togs (took a lot of fighting with my mind), there was much excitement.

I reflected on the excitement the kids displayed and realised my issues with my appearance was effecting them in ways I hadn't considered!  This is a new motivator to keep pushing on!

God has been so faithful in directing encouraged my way right at the correct moment - he knows the plans he has for me.....

My eating has been improving but thee a times when I don't eat anything for long periods.   I am working on fixing that.  Planning is key - I just struggle to use that key!

Thanks to many who continue to provide great encouragement.

Overwhelmed...and impatient

I must say I am excited and completely overwhelmed (in a good way) at the amazing encouragement I have received over the past couple of days.  God is great to give me this!  This encouragement was completely my motivation during a tough walk today.

One thing I have to explain is that I am a boots and all kind of girl (yes at 42 I still consider myself a girl much to the embarrassment of Miss 16).  I need to be more patient and let my body adjust!

So embarking on this journey 5km wasn't enough yesterday I took Miss 11.5 out for a walk after dinner last night - another 5km.  I ended with a significant blister but feeling motivated and encouraged, at 8:15 this morning I put on a bandaid, headed off in 30degree heat and decided I would do 7km - ambitious and a bit ridiculous YES.

At the end of 4km I was dry reaching.  Drank some water stood in the shade for five mins and then headed off again, commonsense would have been head towards home - 5km is good!  But no, determined because I had tapped in 7km I kept going!  A number of stops followed in shade spots (I will always appreciate trees!) and I started to panic and doubts set in re failing etc etc.

Well I had to take Miss 7 to a birthday party so there was pressure so in my panic texted home for Paul to pick me up.  Miss 11.5 sends a message "hang in there, kids are ready I am going for shower, dad on the phone".  That little encouragement of "hang in there got me moving", I had a new spring, I made another kilometre (6 in total) and then Paul came along the road and picked me up.  

I would have made it home but time was a factor.  I have had to fight with my mind all day that I didn't fail!  6km in 30+ degrees is a great effort and I wouldn't have attempted a week ago.  16km in two days and a 2inch massive blister - that is achievement not failure.

My blister is a setback, I have been advised to rest it - I am thinking maybe a small walk or a swim tomorrow.

Halfway through the walk today I was struggling big time but again, Gods creation, my worship music and the people he has placed in my life to send words of encouragement got me through.

This afternoon I enjoyed watching Miss 16 and a couple of friends whine their way through an Ab workout - secretly I wished I could do it (might try when a bunch of teenagers aren't around)!  It was great to see them do it because I don't want my girl to feel how I do!  On a positive note I did do the plank with them and did better than a couple of them - win for mum!. :)

I can do all things though Christ.....thanks for listening.

Small slow steps.....

I have to say up front I did not think I would enjoy this blogging, however I am finding this very therapeutic and cleansing!  Well do I have heaps to download today and it's only 10:00 a.m.

I am slightly proud of myself I went for my first run in 2014 - well more like a walk and slow shuffle but I DID IT - 5km!   How I go around to do it was a battle of the mind and body ....

When I woke this morning the excuses started as follows:-

- I'm so tired, I had a big day yesterday;
- It's too late (8:45 am) and too hot;

- I am on holidays, wait till I go back to work;

- I deserve a sleep in - rest is important too....

Then I opened my Facebook and saw the encouragement I have received from friends, I also looked at our new family photo (that I will give the story to down the page) and prayed, then this verse was 'liked' by a friend

  "Do not remember the former things.  Nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I will do a new thing.  Now it shall spring forth;  Shall you not know it?....."

So then I got to thinking the reasons I should get up and move my butt into gear:-

- failing is not an option in 2014 I will run 4km in March - start now;

- I am on holidays I have anytime today to do it;

- If I can do it in the heat how much easier when I do it earlier next week before work;

- Every day I put it off is closer to not achieving;

- I told everyone I would do this!

- God wants my best;

- This journey starts NOW...

So I got up put on my running clothes (super attractive they are not!) including my heart monitor. I had a real giggle because honestly the aids I have is ridiculous - Heart rate monitor, Polaris watch, PRT Trainer Ap (0-5km in 8 weeks), and MapMyRun+ (MPV version which includes goals and coach) plus music!!!!!!!  Hey I am committed so whatever it takes!  So I set off with two coaches and music in my ear!!

Was it easy.....NO WAY...the running coach thing gets me to walk 2 mins and run 1 min sounds easy but it was hard and hot...by half way the doubts started...

- why are you doing this, you must look ridiculous;

- struggling to run 1 min how am I going to do 4km;

- people can see you doing this;

And so on....

Then the song God Never Fails came into my ear and I was reminded that Christ had many laugh and jeer at him but he went through with his plan, a bit of a run with flab was nothing I should suck it up and not fail.

Exactly half way I hit three pause buttons to get my breath (sad I know) and a message came through from a friend I didn't read it at the time but what flashed momentarily on my screen was "Morning Suzzanne :) after reading all your blog you have also inspired me...."  WELL I don't recall reading the bit about the blog all I saw in my sweaty exhausted teary eyes were "morning suzanne ..also inspired"..it was justbwhat I needed because I hit the restart button and I was back on my way.  At 3.5 km I had finished the training session through PRT however I had set on MapMyRun I was going to do 5km!  Crazy girl I could do with going home but I didn't I kept going!  Almost home and I still had 400 metres so I had to do some extra metres up our street to get to 5km - today 4.8 was not goal!  It was a very proud moment when to coach said "goal achieved 5km".  I felt wiped out but a grin was on my face!  Thanks for the message Natalie and thank you Lord for your never ceasing presence in all I do!

I wish my mind during the run could automatically blog my thoughts - some were terrible, others great! So on to my day of healthy eating choices, maybe a swim or crossfit.  I feel great!

FAMILY PHOTO

I want to explain how this pic upsets and motivates me all at once.  Anyone who knows me understands how much I Hate having my photo taken so doing a photoshoot (even if done at home with Pauk) is traumatic for me and that's not exaggerating.  When I look at this pic of me I see me trying to hide behind Joel to cover my "fat" I see unhealthy and know how I was feeling when it was being taken, I won't even put anymore adjectives because they are all negative!  

Then I look at my husband and kids and feel extremely proud. They are part of my motivation I want to enjoy life with them, I want energy to run, play, swim, be crazy with them. I want to feel confident to pose for photos with my gorgeous family!

Finally, God put us on earth for a purpose, to serve and glorify him, I am responsible for how I serve him, he has given me all the tools -  I just need to follow through.

Phil 4v13. I can do all I things through Christ who strengthens me,

He did that today and he will continue to give me the strength I need.  I just have to ask!

Preparation

Christmas continued for our family today...it was the Smith Christmas.  This meant being up preparing to get on the road to Brisane early!  No small feat when you have ten teenagers stay overnight and it being 2:00 a.m. before you close your eyes. 

So day 1 and I couldn't get up and do my first run, however upon initially despairing I thought there are a couple of things I could achieve today in order to embark tomorrow on my first training run.  So I :-

• Reviewed MapMyRun App and upgraded it;
• Entered my first week goals of running 4 times in the week;
• Made sure I had breakfast before we left home;
• Ate balanced meals and didn't graze all day as can be a tendency at these types of lunches;
• Had a sleep because I was exhausted;
• Exercised my mind by listening to worship music during car trip.

So I know these are small things but these small things are what will make this journey a life changer and bring about success in my quest to achieve health and fitness!   Not a lot of time for exercise however this is only one day in the week and we need to Be practical and do life also!

Tomorrow morning I will be arable to commence my running!

Thanks for listening ;)