Love

It is hard to believe that I just wrote the blog below.  Having just drafted this I scrolled through some previous and realise that I was battling the same thing 12 months....hating oneself.....
I ask my friends and readers, who pray, to pray that I will get rid of this self loathing as I recommence this journey.....

I found this excerpt below in a devotion I was reading some time ago and it spoke to me quite profoundly.  Not because I have trouble loving others but more because I struggle to love who I am, who God created me to be....why?.....because I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  This is not right but it is my reality.  I may come across happy, even confident at times, I try very hard not to let my bad thoughts flow through my day to day life - However if you were to spend a day in my head you would see a very different me.  Ask my family how I am when I have to attend a special event - a birthday party, a wedding....oh dear the stress I go through and put them.  Yes I have been guilty of not attending because I have felt so 'fat', so uncomfortable in my own skin!!

True Love Must Give
Everyone desires to be loved and accepted. But many of us try to find happiness the wrong way. We attempt to find it in getting, but it is found in giving. The love of God is the most wonderful gift we are given. Once it flows to us, it needs to flow from us to others; otherwise, it becomes stagnant. 
Love must give because that's its nature. First John 4:11 highlights how we must give the love we receive: "Beloved, if God loved us so [very much], we also ought to love one another." 

Living in God's true love is a process. First, God loves us, and by faith, we receive His love. We then love ourselves in a balanced way, give love back to God, and learn to love other people. 

Love must follow this course or it is not complete. Once we have God's love in us, we can give it away. We can choose to love others lavishly. We can love them as deeply and unconditionally as God has loved us. 

I have come to realise that GOD LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT and he loves me so much he sent Jesus to suffer and die for me.  So by not loving myself for who he made me I have telling him he made a mistake it is his fault I am fat.  That is not true....so what am I going to do?   I am going to pick myself up yet again, and try again.  I will learn to love myself, I will do something about my weight and fitness and I will honour God by doing so.

 

I remember recently my dear little boy saying to me "Mum don't you like swimming?",  "Yes I do" I replied, "why don't you go swimming hardly ever?" to which I replied "I don't go swimming because I am fat!", by this stage I am wishing the conversation will just end.  Joel's response "Mum you need to do some running and swimming then if you think you are fat because that helps!!!"  from the mouth of kids.  He then went on to say "I still love you mummy and I don't think you are very fat, I saw a bigger lady and she was swimming!".  Those words "I still love you mummy...." brought tears to my eyes and are another reason why I WILL become fit and healthy.

So in order for me to complete God's command to love others as he has loved us, I must start with myself - its not easy but I am going to try.  In the meantime, I will continue to try and show that love to those around me.