Staying on Track is difficult

Hey friends,
I am finding that staying on track in this journey to health and fitness is a challenge.  I am finding that I have to be doubly determined.  Things come along that railroad my attempts.

The past week it has been:-

• Work issues that led to emotional fatigue;
• Long hours at work that high jack my eating;
• Tiredness....so tired I haven't done as much running as I could have.

However.....today is the start of new week, renewed determination that I will continue.

On a positive note, I did a lot of moving from building to building with my job so whilst I only ran once  I did cover a lot of steps so my activity wasn't as low as it felt.

My eating was much better and I did lose 0.7 kgs.  Small but in the right direction.

In reviewing my week it was good to look at what I did well - the small things and what I could do to improve.  If I only improve slightly each week overtime it will result in reaching my goal.

This week I want to run 4x in the week; drink more water and eat cleaner for at least 5 days.  I will let you know how I go.

The other thing my reflection/review has revealed: 

• Help me realise how powerful the mind is and those little voices in my head.
• I didn't achieve everything but I improved - so I will not look of it as a failure!
• Emotional fatigue saps my energy but I have to push through;
• I have to change the mindset from 'too hard' to 'everday it gets easier';
• The more I exercise the less stressed I become.

Have a great week.....I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength....

Love

It is hard to believe that I just wrote the blog below.  Having just drafted this I scrolled through some previous and realise that I was battling the same thing 12 months....hating oneself.....
I ask my friends and readers, who pray, to pray that I will get rid of this self loathing as I recommence this journey.....

I found this excerpt below in a devotion I was reading some time ago and it spoke to me quite profoundly.  Not because I have trouble loving others but more because I struggle to love who I am, who God created me to be....why?.....because I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  This is not right but it is my reality.  I may come across happy, even confident at times, I try very hard not to let my bad thoughts flow through my day to day life - However if you were to spend a day in my head you would see a very different me.  Ask my family how I am when I have to attend a special event - a birthday party, a wedding....oh dear the stress I go through and put them.  Yes I have been guilty of not attending because I have felt so 'fat', so uncomfortable in my own skin!!

True Love Must Give
Everyone desires to be loved and accepted. But many of us try to find happiness the wrong way. We attempt to find it in getting, but it is found in giving. The love of God is the most wonderful gift we are given. Once it flows to us, it needs to flow from us to others; otherwise, it becomes stagnant. 
Love must give because that's its nature. First John 4:11 highlights how we must give the love we receive: "Beloved, if God loved us so [very much], we also ought to love one another." 

Living in God's true love is a process. First, God loves us, and by faith, we receive His love. We then love ourselves in a balanced way, give love back to God, and learn to love other people. 

Love must follow this course or it is not complete. Once we have God's love in us, we can give it away. We can choose to love others lavishly. We can love them as deeply and unconditionally as God has loved us. 

I have come to realise that GOD LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT and he loves me so much he sent Jesus to suffer and die for me.  So by not loving myself for who he made me I have telling him he made a mistake it is his fault I am fat.  That is not true....so what am I going to do?   I am going to pick myself up yet again, and try again.  I will learn to love myself, I will do something about my weight and fitness and I will honour God by doing so.

 

I remember recently my dear little boy saying to me "Mum don't you like swimming?",  "Yes I do" I replied, "why don't you go swimming hardly ever?" to which I replied "I don't go swimming because I am fat!", by this stage I am wishing the conversation will just end.  Joel's response "Mum you need to do some running and swimming then if you think you are fat because that helps!!!"  from the mouth of kids.  He then went on to say "I still love you mummy and I don't think you are very fat, I saw a bigger lady and she was swimming!".  Those words "I still love you mummy...." brought tears to my eyes and are another reason why I WILL become fit and healthy.

So in order for me to complete God's command to love others as he has loved us, I must start with myself - its not easy but I am going to try.  In the meantime, I will continue to try and show that love to those around me.  

I can do all things....: I'm Back - Update

I can do all things....: I'm Back - Update: Well.....I am back....feeling like a failure......all those negative things yet again.  Over the past 12 months I have come to realise a cou...

I'm Back - Update

Well.....I am back....feeling like a failure......all those negative things yet again.  Over the past 12 months I have come to realise a couple of things:-

• Goals are fantastic - I can achieve them if they are clearly defined;
• I need longer-term and short-term goals because I loose focus too easily;
• I let "life" derail me from my longer-term goal of feeling fit and healthy;
• I have fantastic family and friends who love me regardless of how I feel about myself;
• Blogging is what I need to do.  It keeps me more focussed and on track;
• I need to put health and fitness as a priority for my family and I;
• God loves me no matter what, even when I fail.

What I did achieve....

• I did run/walk the 10km at Gold Coast in July 2014 within the allotted time!!!
• I have completed my Masters of Management :) 

How have I failed?  Well.. I didn't keep running!!  Instead I got caught up in the busyness of work and study and completely lost the plot on my health and fitness goals.  In fact I went the other extreme.!!!  I put on the weight I lost to get to the Gold Coast 10km.

I ate SO MUCH chocolate in trying to complete my study -  it was absolutely ridiculous.

So, what did I do about it?  I complained, ate more and became more unhappy UNTIL NOW......

What am I going to do now?   Get back up again and restart, refocus and push forward.

My Health & Fitness goals:-

• Health and exercise is a lifestyle I am going to incorporate into our family;
• Run 10km at Gold Coast again .... faster this time!!!
• Continue to run after the run.  In 2016 21km and then...hopefully before I am 50 (I have time up my sleeve) run a Gold Coast Marathon.  
• Encourage our whole family to be healthy and active.
• I will lose 30kg over the next 2 years.

 How will I achieve these goals??

• Being consistent;
• Planning;
• Making time for exercise and menu planning;
• A lot of prayer;
• Small goals along the way;
• Enlisting the support of family and friends;
• Not listening to Satan or discouragers!!!

Even as I type this there is a little inner voice saying 'you've tried many many times and failed'!!!  That is true but I realise this is a lifelong journey for me and I just have to keep on keeping on - stand up, dust off and try again!!!

So stay tuned for my progress......

I get my fitness plan on Monday....I am going to see a dietician next week.  Small steps in the right direction.

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME:)

My Journey Update

I have been silent on my blog.  Not because I am not continuing my journey.....the busy life of working, studying and embarking on this journey has limited my time.

Another reason I haven't blogged recently, not that I thought this would be why, is because my journey has been going ahead very well and positively.  I guess I felt I had nothing to blog - crazy me, however I have started many so watch this space....  My initial blogs were about my fears in embarking on the journey, the reasons I was fearful etc.

After I achieved my first goal, running the peak to park, I had a whole new mindset - a positive one full of enthusiasm and motivation.  I have continued to run consistently since then about three times per week.  I am still not quite able to run 5km without some walking however I have come a long way and am on track to achieve my second goal towards fitness, 10km in July!!

There has been a big change in my diet too - I have had no coke zero for 6 weeks - for those who know me well will understand the achievement that is for me!!!   On top of that I am now drinking three litres of water a day!!!

In achieving these goals, my mind is so much more positive and has pushed me forward.  I have some great encouragers too.

I am now in the midst of a very low calorie diet/detox which involves supplements also.  I have always struggled committing to these diets but having achieved a couple of goals I believe nothing is impossible.  I have a friend who is also doing the diet (she has nowhere near what I need to lose), but she has been an amazing encouragement.  There is another taskmaster I have who is holding me accountable!  At times it can be annoying but the high expectations ninja warrior sets makes me more determined than ever.  My goal is to make sure he has to say that "I did well"!!!  I love the challenge of a high but attainable bar.  I have set the bar but by sharing it others are holding me accountable to it.

I feel that having blogged my fears and fully trusting God to assist me, has been the reason I have been able to proceed on the journey.  Spiritually and physically I am in a better place than I was three months ago.

I am a long way from achieving my ultimate goal but feel I can and will accomplish them.

Do I still have bad days of doubt and fear - absolutely, they are becoming less.  The physical exercise has helped my stress levels particularly with regard to work but the biggest difference has been having those moments with God each morning after being physically refreshed, they are priceless and everyday he gives me something special.

Somedays just being in his creation as morning breaks is so amazing, seeing the sunrise as I plod along, the moon fading as the sunlight takes over, the birds chirping in the trees - I cannot not help but reflect on How Great Is Our God.  

A recent devotion really encouraged and pushed me forward 

It's amazing how many gifted people there are who just sit on the sidelines of life and do nothing. They never take a step forward to use the gifts God has given them because they don't believe they're gifted in the first place. Are you one of them? 

The truth is, God has given each one of us gifts, talents and abilities. He has a great plan for you and has equipped you to do great things for His Kingdom. But until you see yourself the way He sees you and trust Him to enable you to use your gifts, you won't live up to your God-given potential. 

If you're struggling with low self-esteem, a poor self-image and lacking confidence, I want you to know that God created you with amazing potential. And when you trust God and believe you can do whatever He says you can do, you will fulfill His destiny for your life. 

Remember, "all things are possible with God." When you put your confidence in Him, you will be free to live up to your potential. 

I want to be using the gifts and talents that God has given me!!  By sorting my health and weight and fixing my self-esteem issues I will be available for God to use even more!!!
Phil 4:13 always comes to mind when I consider this -
I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH

Love self....

Reading a devotional recently had me reflecting....am I honouring God with the way I think of myself?  My answer was simple, no.  God created me in his image, he loves me, he sent his Son to die for me, I accepted him as Lord and Saviour, I am his Child, so if I despise myself I am in effect saying I am not worthy yet he accepts me for who I am!!!

In thinking it through I realised my self loathing was not honourable to God, but it didn't stop the thoughts.   What I need to do is work to change my body, become healthy and fit.  Which of course is the journey I have now embarked upon.  The changes wont happen overnight but I have an assurance from God that they will happen and in the meantime, I need to try and think happy/positive thoughts about myself.

Whilst visiting at the hairdressers today I realised how bad my self loathing is - I found it difficult to sit down in front of the mirror ( a requirement at the hairdressers).  I will overcome this by achieving my health and fitness goals and trust God.  The devotion below spoke to me.

"Scripture shows us how important it is to think healthy, positive thoughts about ourselves. You cannot love life if you're always thinking negative thoughts. If you struggle with this, I encourage you to make up your mind to work toward changing your way of thinking. I've found the best way to become a positive thinker is to ask God for a lot of help, and to ask for it often.

That's really the hardest part of being set free from negativism: admitting that it's a problem and asking God for help. But once you do that, you can overcome it because according to the Bible, you're a new person in Christ (see 2 Corinthians 5:17). 

Many people are afraid to hope because they've been hurt so much in life. Their philosophy is: "If I don't expect anything good to happen, I won't be disappointed if it doesn't." 

That's how I used to think. I had encountered so much disappointment and I was afraid to be positive. When I began to study the Word and trust God to restore me, I realized my negative thoughts had to go. 

We need to practice positive thoughts in every situation. If you're going through a difficult time, expect that God will work things out for your good. As a Christian, it's time for you to fight for your thoughts, because your mind won't automatically come into agreement with God's plans. 

I encourage you to spend time examining His Word and comparing it to your thought life. Give God time to help you put your thoughts in line with His. He showed me how to be a more positive person, and He'll show you how to be one too. "

My plan going forward is to work towards having more positive thoughts about myself and to build my confidence in this matter.  Having set some goals I believe that as I tick them off, I will become more proud of who I am.

My short-term goals are:-

• Rejoin USQ gym and attend 3 x week;
• Do my regular run each morning;
• Give up coke zero - this is very hard!!!
• Eat clean by being organised;
• Do colour run in May/June;
• Do 15km walk/run  - Kokoda challenge.

All these will culminate in my second major goal -  running the Gold Coast 10km in early July!!!

Knowing how I felt when I completed the 4km on Sunday, motivates and excites me.  Achieving these goals will have me well on the way toward my long-term goal of health and fitness, serving God!

I am feeling more confident in my ability to achieve these goals I just have to get into action!!!

Progress and Success = Motivation

I am very happy to say that I achieved one of my goals today.....I completed the 4km Peak2Park Fun Run!!!  Most exciting was the fact that 3/4 of my kids did it too!!!

Master 5 (aka Joel) was so funny, he took off at a pace that was too fast and we had to move quickly to stay pace with him, at 2km however it call caved in "Mum, my legs were so fast to start but they ran out!", this meant I didn't get to run as much as I felt able but to have him finish with me was beautiful.  At about 3km he came close and put his arm around me and said "I love you mum" - he is a heart melter!!!  I think it was code for 'I am tired so I don't want you to run".

There were others who were an encouragement and motivation:-

• It was also lovely to have Jess, who sprained her ankle earlier in the week, running and encouraging the  younger kids to keep going;
• Jake, even though he had a very late night, got up and smashed it;
• Gina, who has  had surgery recently, was there and encouraged me along with her friend Shirley.  It was lovely to walk and chat with new friends, particularly at the start line as it distracted me from doubting myself & getting anxious;
• A text message from Karen wishing me all the best; 
• When I got back to my car I had a lovely encouraging message from my new friend I met via this journey, Ally.
• The encouragement on the photos etc. today has me smiling all the more.  

THANK YOU EVERYONE, its great to know you are all happy that I have crossed off 1 goal, the encouragement is a massive motivator.  In amongst the journey to date, I have also lost 5kg - so I AM A HAPPY GIRL.

I must say having achieved this goal when a week ago I truly doubted my ability to do so is a bit like finishing a marathon - to some it may be small but for me and the battles I have faced over the past month - its an Everest moment !!!  I must say I feel just a bit proud of myself and feel like I have won a personal battle.  Thank you LORD.

My next major goal is 10km in July, however I have decided to tackle another challenge in May - 15km  (in 5 hours - so I can walk)!  The exciting thing is I BELIEVE I can achieve both these goals.

What this all means is that I feel reinvigorated and ready to take on this journey with the exuberance I started in January (this had waned significantly in February).

A change in my head has also occurred this weekend (its one of those times), I read an article "Eden: a sex slave's story", (click on link to read) to say the story is heartbreaking is an understatement - what is did do is give me a perspective of a "challenge" that is totally out of someone's control.  It has had me thinking and putting my health and fitness challenge in perspective - this is totally in my God given abilities to control - those poor beautiful girls once they are trapped have absolutely "no control" over their situation.

Since reading the story (and commencing the video which is very hard to watch, I have had to take a break) I have been constantly thanking God for my circumstances but also praying for those beautiful girls and asking God what can I do?  I don't have an answer yet but something I did think when I set out this morning, I am running for my health and fitness, these girls would do anything to be able to run for their lives.

My goal over the coming weeks as I get back on track with my journey is to:-

• Pray for these girls every day I do my run, the more runs I do the more prayers going up for them - that is a motivator;
• Thank God for all he has done for me, be thankful for my circumstances;
• Pray for protection over my children and those around us;
• Ask God to show me a way to try and help these girls who are rendered helpless;
• Thank God for the amazing people he has already raised up who are attempting to help these girls - with God nothing is impossible;
• This is the hardest one - pray for the sick and sad people that do these crimes - that they will encounter Jesus in their lives and realise that they don't need what they are doing they need a Lord and Saviour;

Sometimes I do not understand why things cross our paths but I have an assurance that God does know.

It hard to describe how achieving a simple goal has motivated to tackle more challenges.  I feel great and positive right now and that I can achieve anything!!!  

Watch out everyone 

I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH 

- Phil 4:13